


Do You Feel Us Falling? (Cause I Feel Us Falling)

by rosegoldwords



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldwords/pseuds/rosegoldwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James feels himself falling for Camille; the question is, does she feel it too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, I get a lot of ideas while I'm at school because that's where I was inspired to start writing this one. And I finished it in pretty much one day (the fact that I had post limit on Tumblr probably helped that...) but I'm actually kind of fond of this, if I do say so myself.

_When you're all that I think about,  
All that I dream about...  
\- Go Radio, "Goodnight Moon"_

It was cold the last day he saw her.

She was walking around campus, and yeah, he was watching her, just a little. He doesn’t like to admit that; he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s creepy or anything of the sort. But yeah, he was watching her. He was watching her curly hair fly behind her shoulders as the wind blew. He was watching her scroll through her iPod, probably looking for the perfect walking song. He was watching… beauty in motion. 

Other than himself, of course. Because there aren’t many more beautiful than James Diamond, but Camille Roberts… yeah there’s no doubt that she is. 

Again, not like he’d ever admit that. 

But anyway. Yeah, James was checking Camille out. He had been doing a lot of that lately. They were both drama majors and had classes with each other twice a week, and in between memorizing monologues and pretending to take notes, James had taken an interest in Camille. Seeing her twice a week wasn’t enough for him to go by on whether or not he liked her. And maybe, just maybe, he had been trying to avoid his feelings for her because he’s seen what loved did to his mom; he didn’t want to end up like his mom - bitter and alone. And maybe, just maybe, he wants to spend the rest of forever hooking up with girls instead of being tied down. But James can’t deny it anymore, no matter how much he tries. He can feel himself falling for Camille. 

And then comes the question at hand: is Camille falling for James? At first, he thinks, duh. Because he’s James Diamond and girls are pretty much begging for his dick daily. So he thinks, there’s no doubt she’s feeling him to, right? 

But James’ voice of reason - which sounds oddly enough like Logan - reminds him that Camille’s not like the other girls. She’s quirky and silly. She speaks her mind and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. She’s smart - too smart to be thwarted by James’ good looks, even he knows that. So yeah, that might be a slight problem. 

He won’t admit it, but he’s afraid. He can play off those feelings good enough but deep down, he’s scared as hell. Scared to talk to her, scared to fall for her, scared she won’t fall back. The list goes on and on. But today, it’s the last day before winter break and James can’t afford to be afraid anymore. Not today. 

So he braces the cold and walks over to where she’s seated on a bench outside of the University Center, a book in her lap and he head hung low, focused on the word pages as James refers to them as. For a brief moment, he wonders if he should interrupt her; then he remembers that last week in class he smacked her book down when he realized she was ignoring his whole story on shampoo products. She wasn’t mad at him, but she did smack him for making her lose her page. But whatever it worked. She paid attention to him for the good portion of the hour they spent together. 

James blinks and licks his lips, coming back to reality as he walks closer and closer to her. He has a hard time looking directly at her - mostly because last week in class they had to come dressed in character and she had went for the Southern Belle look, complete with daisy dukes and pigtails, and James has had a few dreams about it since then - but he makes himself keep his eyes focused on her. And as he’s walking closer and closer to her, his thoughts all short-circuit into _god, she’s so pretty._

“Hey, Cam.” she glances up at him and smiles, immediately shutting her book. He relaxes. That’s got to be a good sign. “You busy?”

“Not at all,” she replies. “What’s up?”

James shrugged. Honestly, he had no idea where to go from here. He was mostly proud of himself for actually going up to her. “Just wanted to see you before break.” he says smoothly. 

“Right, a whole month without your face. Oh, how will I go on?” she’s oozing dramatics but part of him is hoping she’s being just a little serious. 

“You won’t.” he invites himself to the other side of the bench and sits. “But that’s okay; if I had to go a month without seeing my face, I wouldn’t know how to survive either.”   
She rolls her eyes but laughs. “You’re a dork.”

“But I’m a cool dork.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” she laughs again. James loves the sound of her laugh. It’s like his favorite song playing on repeat. It makes him smile. 

“Well,” he continues, trying not to dwell on the small details and focus on their actual conversation. “Now that we’ve established that I’m the coolest dork on campus -”

“And the best looking,” she cuts in. “Can’t forget that.”

James can feel his cheeks heating up at her words. “Of course.” he confirms with a smirk. “Now about you.”

“What about me?” 

“Um… what are you reading?” he prompted. 

Her eyes narrow. “The same book you smacked out of my hand last week!”

“You’re still reading it?”

“Well you did make me lose my page!”

“Not on purpose! And besides, shampoo is more important than books!”

“I beg to differ!” 

James liked it when they play argued like this. It was fun. “I beg to not differ!” he said and she laughed. “In fact, I’m going to write a book on how shampoo is better than books!”

“As sad as that sounds, I would buy that book.” she said and he beamed. “I demand an autographed copy.” she added as an after thought.

“But of course.” 

She smiled at him. “So, any big plans for over break?” she asked, changing the subject. Probably because she knew he was right; shampoo was more important than books. 

James shrugs. “Just flying down to Minnesota to see my dad and his family around Christmas. Other than that, probably a lot of hockey and stupid things with Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. You?” 

Camille mimics his shrug. “Not really. At least not right now. I might fly up to New York to check out this really cool performing arts school I really want to go to. It’s the coolest thing in the world and my dream school.” 

“I applied to one of those schools. I didn’t get in. They liked my audition but my grades weren’t up to their standards.”

“Damn that blows.” 

James shrugs. “What can you do? Besides, I like it here.” and I like you. But he didn’t say that. Not out loud at least. 

Camille smiles. “Yeah, I like it here too. Especially the people, it’s never a dull moment on campus.” 

“Any specific people?” 

“Fishing for compliments again, Diamond?”

“Me? Fish? Never. Just being curious.”

“Well that’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“Aw, that’s no fair!” 

Camille reached up to mess up his hair. Normally, he would freak out if anyone even thought of touching his hair, but for some reason, he really didn’t mind Camille touching him. “Life isn’t fair.” she shrugged, then hoisted her bag over her shoulder seeing a car pull up along side the curb. 

“Tell me!” he yells after her as she’s walking away from him. And he fixes his hair. Of course he does. 

She throws her arms up with a, “whatcha gonna do?” expression and then turns around to leave. James watches her go and smiles, even though he didn’t get the answers he wanted and is now going to spend the rest of the night pondering if she likes him. But for now, he’s just content with the moment they’ve shared.

\- - - 

She fails to mention it, but that’s the last time they’re going to see each other. Because Camille got accepted in some fancy arts school all the way in New York and once the spring semester starts, she’ll be all the way on the other side of the country. James’ head hurts when he thinks about how far away she’ll be, and his chest (okay, yes his heart) hurts when he starts counting down the days until she’s gone. 

He won’t tell anyone, but he’s locked the last couple of text messages on his phone from her. It’s right before her flight and for some odd reason, he’s awake at the ass crack of dawn. But maybe it’s because he knows what time her flight leaves and he wants to say goodbye. Maybe. 

He texts her, **how are you going to go on without seeing my face everyday.**

She replies thirty seconds later - yes he counted - **I have no idea haha I’ll miss your face.** He locked that message. 

Even though it’s stupid but he texts back, **my face will miss you.**

She sends him a sad face along with, **stop you’re going to make me cry.**

James’ eyes widen. He doesn’t like when girls cry. He can’t handle crying or tears or all of that mess. His fingers are flying and he says, **why would you cry? Please don’t cry!**

She sends him another message worth locking. **I’m going to cry because I’ll miss you!**

James had this feeling in his chest; his heart was pounding too hard. His fingers shook a little as he typed back, **I’ll miss you too.**

**Hold down the fort in LA for me.**

**Haha, will do. Live it up in New York for me. And when you make it on Broadway, you’d better get me backstage!**

He tried to calm his heart down but when she typed back, **lol if I could, I’d have you on stage with me Diamond. It’s where you belong anyway,** it started pounding hard all over again. 

Maybe, he was reading it a little out of context, but she was right - he belonged with her. And now in addition to having a heart attack, he was sure had had some sort of ulcer now too.

“Logan, I’m dying!” he moans into the phone a moment later. He had to call Logan twice before he picked up. 

Logan yawns in his ear and asks, “What do you mean your dying?”

“I think there’s something wrong with my heart,” James rubs his chest, worriedly as he says so. “It’s going to pound right out of my chest. And my stomach - I’m going to puke. Logan, you’ve got to fix me!” 

“Okay, okay, calm down.” Logan tells him and James can hear shuffling on the other end of the line. He’s getting ready to come over if he has to. “Just tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know what happened! One minute I was texting Camille and the next thing I know - boom, heart failure!” 

“James-”

“This has never happened before! I’ve text-flirted with girls before and I’m always fine; then she told me she was going to miss me and then she said I belonged with her and then it felt like was going to throw up, and - Logan, are you laughing at me? 

Sure enough, Logan has the audacity to laugh at him and James wants to hit him with his own phone. “James, you’re not having heart failure or dying.” his friend tells him. 

“Oh yeah? Well then what’s wrong with me?”

“You really like Camille.” 

James’ first instinct is to deny it and cling to the “I’m dying” fact, but he knows Logan’s right. He really likes Camille. And now she’s leaving him. 

Love sucks. 

\- - - 

The last time James saw Camille was seven years ago. 

He applied to Julliard and NYAD because more than anything, he wants to act and study acting. He wants to be on stage with adoring fans by his side, he wants to be in movies, he wants to be famous. But he didn’t get accepted and as discouraging at it was, he kept working. And while he didn’t graduate at the top of his class, he’s got a nice degree that says he can direct films, and he deserves it after working his ass off for four years. So he’s not acting like he wants, but he’s directing films and he’s getting up there. Short films at first, but now he’s working on his first major motion film and the anxiety about it all keeps him up at night and has him on medication that he doesn’t want to take. But it’s still worth it. He loves directing and he wants to be up there with Michael Bay one of these days.

But he hasn’t given up on his first love - singing. He started off playing covers on YouTube instead of studying, and soon he became a solo act, performing local shows. As time passes, he’s got quite a fan base now and he’s taken more pictures with teenage girls than he can count. Even though he’s not the next Justin Bieber, he’s satisfied with what he’s doing now. It makes him happy… or so he thinks. 

He’s almost twenty-five now. He wants to be on on every single “25 hottest bachelors under 25 list” and has another few months to dominate that list. He thinks he’s happy but deep down, he knows he’s really just not happy at all. There’s something missing. 

It took him seven years to realize it but when he saw Camille Roberts step into his office, he suddenly knew what was missing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI REMEMBER THIS? I don’t blame you if you don’t; it’s been, what, a month since I’ve touched this lol? I’m sorry, I wanted to update this before November because all of November I was doing NaNoWriMo and I didn’t have time to work on this. But alas, I’m back with the conclusion, I hope you all like it, and I thank you all for following the Jamille journey (: 
> 
> incase you’re wondering what Camille looks like in this chapter, here’s a reference: instagram . com /p/QF9qvfJ03r/ (no spaces). And James has his hair swept back a lot of the time so just picture James with his hair pushed back all sexy like (: and that’s it! Thanks for reading xoxo

_How’d I ever breathe without  
A goodnight kiss from goodnight you?  
\- Go Radio, “Goodnight Moon”_

“James? James Diamond?”

The way she says his name nearly makes his heart stop because, this is real. She’s here in front of him after seven long years. 

She’s here.

“Camille?” he stutters out, getting up from behind his desk and walking over to the doorway where she was lurking. 

Her face broke out in a wide smile; it was still the same after all these years and he couldn’t help but to smile in return. “Oh, my gosh, James!” she throws her arms around his neck and his immediately wrap around her waist. He holds her close and inhales deeply. She smells like vanilla perfume and some sort of berry shampoo. James loves berries. “I can’t believe it’s really you!” she gushes, breaking their hug, still smiling.

“Damn, me either! It’s been way too long!” he agrees. “You look…” beautiful. Camille wasn’t the same little college freshman he had last seen her as. Sure, he had her on FaceBook and kept updated with her that way, but seeing her in person was… wow. Her hair, which was once cascading down past her shoulders, was cut into a short, curly bob and though James had never really been a fan of short hair on girls, her new look was perfect for her. Other than just looking older, she hadn’t changed much; she was still short, her eyes were still big and brown… she was still Camille. “Great!” he supplied. 

She chuckled. “You look pretty great yourself,” she tells him, slapping her palm against his chest. James has to stop and think; is she flirting, or just being friendly? Kind of hard for him to tell because, he really does look great. He always does. 

“So, um, what brings you to my neck of the woods?” he asks, because really, what was she doing here? Last time he heard from her, she was trying to do Wicked in New York and he was trying not to be jealous (and miss her but that’s a different story). And now she was back in LA. Where he was. Containing his excitement was a little harder than he had originally anticipated. 

“My agent sent me to you actually,” she smiles brightly and that in itself causes James to smile back just as much. “We heard about your movie so I figured, why not audition.” 

As soon as she says that, James wants to give her the part immediately. Spending a whole three to six months with her, working intimately with her? James curses himself for not giving the lead role to himself, because really, what could be more perfect? “That - that’s great!” he tells her. “Um, so I’ll see you at the auditions?”

“You know it.” she winks at him, adjusting the bag over her shoulder and gives him one long look. “It’s been a while, Diamond.” she says softly. 

Instinctively, he went to brush his hair out of his face but he remembered how he had it swept back and styled to perfect so he didn’t want to mess it up - at least not with her in front of him. “We should hang out, catch up, ya know?” he replies.

“Definitely!” she agrees. “Whenever you’re free-”

“Tonight?” he blurts out, then his cheeks flush red. “I, uh, I mean if you didn’t have any plans…”

She grins at him. “Is your number the same?” she asks, and he nods yes. “I’ll text you, Diamond.” she gives him another wink and then walks out of his office without another word. And for a brief moment, James finds himself wondering how in the hell did he let her go again. 

Moments later, his cell phone vibrates on his desk and he dives for it, knowing it had to be Camille. Unlocking it and opening a text message from an unlisted number, he reads, **Remember the bar we snuck into the first day of freshman year? Meet me there, 8:00 tonight**. He smiles and a second later, his phone vibrates with another text message. **Missed you Diamond. Can’t wait to catch up**. 

Being hit with all the things he had felt when he was eighteen and crushing hard on Camille, James has to call Logan to inform him of his latest love sick affliction. 

\- - - 

James excuses himself from work two hours earlier than usual so he can go home and get ready for tonight. For the first time in years, he feels undeniably… happy. For the longest time, when someone asked him if he was happy with his life, he would reply “yes” but deep down, he knew that he wasn’t happy; that something was missing. But today, today he feels nothing but happiness - he’s so happy that he wants to run and jump and sing. 

Most of all, however, he wants Camille. And just like when he was eighteen, he wonders if she wants him too. 

But that’s what tonight is about. They’re going to have some drinks, catch up, and once and for all, James is going to find out how Camille feels about him. He didn’t waste seven years pining after her for nothing. 

After showering, getting dressed in something that said, “no I didn’t get ready two hours before we had to meet up” but at the same time said, “I’m just naturally this good looking”, James does his hair in its usual swept back fashion and he leaves his condo. Butterflies fluttered around in his stomach as he drove to the bar, remembering the first time he had went here. He thought he was cool shit for sneaking into a bar when he was eighteen, along with the rest of his theater arts class, who had all went so they could get acquainted and celebrate surviving the first week of their first year of school. Camille had went and she wore a blue dress that flattered her in more ways than one. She was sipping on some girly drink with some of the other girls in class, talking about nothing and everything, and as per usual James was admiring her from afar. 

It’s weird. James Diamond is not the type who sits back and wishes a girl would like him; most of the time girls like him anyway, and if he likes a girl he doesn’t usually have a problem getting her to at least go out with him. So why is it so different with Camille? Why is he some lovesick puppy who pined for her and misses her when she was gone? What is so special about her that turned him into a mess?

He doesn’t linger on the thought; he has other things to think about as he pulls up to the outside of the bar. He takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment, collecting himself and reminding himself that he’s not some dorky eighteen year old with a crush on a pretty girl; he reminds himself that he’s James fucking Diamond, and he’s amazing in more ways than one. He can do anything, and he can certainly do this. 

He enters the bar and even though he hasn’t been here in a while, he remembers everyone and where everything is. As usual, there’s people playing pool, people sitting at tables enjoying pretzels and beer, and - there she is. 

James sees Camille sitting on a barstool, sipping on some fruity, girly drink and glancing around every so often, most likely looking for him. He dons a bright smile and walks over to her, “Looking for someone?” 

She smiles at him. “I am actually,” she replies. “Maybe you know him; tall, brunette, gonna be the next Michael Bay…”

James chuckles. “Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” he tells her, and she giggles, getting up from the stool and giving him a hug. “So you couldn’t wait for me to buy you a drink?” he jokes.

“Don’t worry; I’ll let you catch the next round.” she replies, then pushes a glass towards him. “Guinness still your favorite?”

“You know me so well, Cam.” he smiles and takes the glass, taking a sip.

She pauses for a moment, James catches that and waits patiently to find out what she’s thinking. “I missed that.” she finally says softly. He looks at her from behind the brim of his class, raising his eyebrows, and she continues, “The way you called me Cam. No one else ever called me that, I liked it.” her cheeks flush slightly. “I, um, I missed you.”

James feels his heart going crazy in his chest, but he blames it on the alcohol for now. “I missed you too.” he says softly. She smiles at him shyly, her hair falling in her eyes. He reaches out and brushes it behind her ear. He can see her eyes following his every movement, and he suddenly finds himself annoying conscious of everything he’s doing. He tries not to worry about anything, but it’s harder that he anticipates. “So, tell me everything about New York.” he clears his throat, breaking the silence that filled the room. 

She tells him about New York, about Broadway, about the shows she’s done. He hangs onto every word she’s saying, genuinely interested as she talks. And the way she talks too; her hands fly around with every word, adding emphasis to whatever she’s saying. And, as usual, it’s the cutest thing James has ever seen.

Maybe now, he’ll finally admit it. It’s been seven years, what has he got to lose? 

She asks about him, and he goes into his life directing and the movie’s he’s worked on and the actors and actresses he’s worked with. She listens to every word, only breaking their stare to take a sip of her drink. She focuses all of her attention on him and that only makes James feel more confident, but more nervous at the same time. He doesn’t understand how that’s possible but long ago, he’s come to realize that with Camille, nothing makes sense. And he kind of likes that. 

“Do you mind if I ask a personal question?” she asks him when he’s finished talking. 

“Go ahead,” he encourages her, taking another sip of his beer. 

“Are you dating?” she blurts out, her cheeks flushing. 

James sighs softly. Technically, he’s dating, but it’s nothing serious and can be stopped at any time. Especially if she wants him to. So he replies, “Nope.” and then casually asks, “What about you?”

“Free as a bird,” she says with a slight giggle. And James smiles. That was exactly what he wanted to hear. 

\- - - 

He isn’t sure but somewhere between his third and forth beer, and a few sips of Camille’s drink, the two of them are walking clumsily down the street, back to his apartment. The bar isn’t far from where James lives and he insisted that Camille comes home with him because she’s in no condition to drive. And honestly, she isn’t; he’s not trying to try anything for once. 

Of course, it’s only a perk that she’s coming back to his place. 

Her heels in her hand, Camille laughs at nothing as the two of them walk upstairs to James’ apartment, and between his own giggles, he shushes her, telling her that she’ll wake up Old Mr. Bitters. But that only seems to make her laugh more and by the time James fumbles with his key enough times to get them inside, she’s absolutely breathless with giggles. She collapses down onto his couch and James tries to do the same, however he misses completely and falls on his ass on the floor. Okay, maybe he’s had a little to much to drink too. 

Camille is in hysterics, wiping tears of laughter away and she extends her hand to him, helping him up on the couch. “You haven’t changed a bit, Diamond.” 

James chuckles. “I don’t recall being so clumsy when I was eighteen.”

Camille shakes her head. “No, no, I mean, you still make me laugh. You’ve always made me laugh.” she sobers up for a moment and gives him a shy smile. “I should’ve snagged you up when I had the chance.”

James’ eyes widen. “Excuse me?” was he seriously hearing what he thought he was hearing? Was he dreaming? Did Camille just admit to liking him? 

She shrugged, her cheeks flushed red and it wasn’t from the drinking. “What? You were hot and I had a crush on you.” she muttered. James smiled wide, he was certain his cheeks were going to pop. “What?” she asked. And then he just did it. 

James presses his lips to her, something he waited to do for damn near seven years. She tenses up initially but it only takes a second for her to relax and start to kiss him back. And James realizes something beautiful about their kiss: the way that their lips come together in perfect harmony was like the way two pieces of a puzzle are a match made in Heaven. In short, they fit together. Perfectly. 

The mold of James’s mouth wraps around hers and she can feel the slight smile, the way his lips curve up against hers. She opens her mouth just slightly, inviting him in, and he slides his tongue in between the gap of her open lips, sliding it against her teeth and the inside of her cheek. She moans into his mouth, gripping the sides of his shirt tighter in her whitened knuckles. He moves his hands to the sides of her face and holds onto her as if she would float away - and right now, she felt like she could. 

Camille closes her mouth against James’s lip, and bites down on it ever so gently, but all the same so erotically they his eyes snap open in surprise. Sighing deeply, he kisses back rougher, harder, more passionate than before. He moves his hands from the sides of her face, down to her hips and holds her against him, grinding ever so lightly. She holds onto him tighter, pressing herself into him, and it was like their bodies were molding into one; the two of them were a beautiful painting come to life. 

Moments later, they finally stop kissing and James rests his forehead against hers. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that,” he whispers to her. Maybe he was a little too blunt, because she kind of looks scared and confused, but despite that, she smiles and presses her lips to him again, pushing him down so he’s laying down on his back and James can just predict where this is going to go next. And he likes that, not because he likes sex, but because it’s with Camille. He couldn’t have wanted anything more. Yeah they’re both drunk, and yeah they might not remember this tomorrow morning, but James will be damned if he lets Camille slip away again. And something tells him that she feels the same about him. And he likes that even more. 

He waited seven years for that goodnight kiss, and he predicts many more in his future.


End file.
